Author Archive

Submitted by Anonymous

When I first thought about egg donation three years ago, I would look at mothers and babies out in strollers and try to imagine how it would feel if that child I was looking at had come from my own egg.

After donating twice with ARR, I am very curious to know what happened. Were there kids? Do they look like me? Did they inherit my temperament? Will they love music as I do? Will they be fast runners like I was?

As a medical student, I have learned throughout my education that a lot more comes from genes than we used to think, and that has definitely impacted my thoughts on this subject. But I do not lay awake at night and wonder. I am very comfortable with this anonymous distance, and, to be honest, I don’t really think about it until it comes up by some reason, like this blog.

You kind of just forget, and I think that is part of what made it easy for me. I think women who do an open donation would have a very different perspective. Of course the very human side of me would hypothetically love to someday meet a child that came of my donation, but that would have its own consequences – on two families at that point, if I have my own. I guess it is a bridge I will have to cross if I ever arrive at it.

By Tina

A few years ago, four of my friends and one relative were all having trouble getting pregnant. I was having a conversation with my mother about it when she blurted out, “You should do something to help.” And she showed me an ad on egg donation in the Chicago Tribune.

I had once looked into egg donation, but the thought of having someone else raise “my” child wasn’t something I could mentally handle. Still, I wanted to do something. There was mom again. “What about being a surrogate?” she asked. She then proceeded to remind me how well my pregnancies went and said she thought I would be a good candidate. I did my research and after some thought, I knew I could mentally handle it. Plus it was a way of giving back to those I knew were struggling to create families.

I started working with Alternative Reproductive Resources in 2005. The process to become a surrogate was more complicated than I had expected. It was stressful, but in the end, worth it. This was a big decision I was making.

I was a surrogate twice. The first time, the embryo transfer didn’t take, which was not only hard for me, but for the couple I was trying to help. Due to health issues, the couple had to focus on other needs. Nevertheless, that experience made me stronger and more motivated to help another couple.

ARR introduced me to another couple. This experience was very different – not only was I working with new parents, but a different team of doctors. In May 2007, the embryos were transferred and took. I was pregnant with twins. The feeling was overwhelming.

Throughout the pregnancy, the intended parents, ARR and my family were very supportive and on January 18, 2008, I gave the couple two very precious gifts. If it weren’t for my mother, though, I never would have had such an amazing experience. Mother does, in fact, know best!

By Tina

Being a surrogate was one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. But it put me in the position of having to make some difficult decisions – like facing the possibility of becoming pregnant with multiples and facing the issue of selective reduction.

Last year, the Washington Post, in an article titled “Too Much to Carry,” explained why selective reduction is used and how high-risk multiple pregnancies can be difficult for some women. It also told what the couples went through in choosing selective reduction, a decision that does not come lightly.

I’m not getting into the abortion debate. That is not what this is about. It is about the surrogate knowing her medical risks when carrying multiples. Remember: This is not just about the parents-to-be, it’s also about the surrogate and her health, her family and the lives she is carrying.

In these types of in vitro situations, multiples easily occur. Surrogates need to know what their bodies can handle before agreeing to carry someone else’s child – or children.

I told my intended parents that I was willing to carry twins but would do selective reduction if triplets resulted from the egg transplantation. Before making this decision, I consulted with my doctor to understand my physical limitations and risks. I was told I was too small to carry three babies to term. It would be too risky for the babies and me. (If it were up to me, I would have carried multiples.) Luckily, I got pregnant with twins and did not have to face this decision (phew!).

Discussing selective reduction is not easy. It must be discussed carefully and candidly and specified legally (read: put it in a contract) before anyone enters into any surrogacy relationship. The couple I helped was very understanding of my choice to selectively reduce if the situation called for it.

I know that selective reduction is not for everyone. It wasn’t something I would have considered, but in my case, the medical risks were too great.

How do others feel about selective reduction? If you’ve been a surrogate or an intended parent, how did you handle this issue?

By Robin von Halle

A lot of people have been paying attention to the steep rise in first-time pregnancies among some of our more mature celebrities.

A recent post on Knifestyles of the Rich and Famous, points to the amazing incidence of “multiples” among older celebs like J-Lo (38) and Garcelle Beauvais-Nilon (41), and singletons among others like Halle Berry (41), Helena Bonham Carter (41) and Nicole Kidman (40).

In fact, these geriatric pregnancies, as Oprah put it, really are miraculous: Statistically, a 40-year-old, sexually active woman has a whopping 5 percent chance of conceiving.

God love these celebrities and the children they’re bringing into the world. I just wish they’d own up to how they came about.

On one hand, is it anyone’s business whether they were conceived through ordinary means or through the assistance of a young woman who donated her fresher eggs? Taking this route to creating families is, indeed, an intensely personal decision.

On the other hand, these women are celebrities and, by definition, public figures. By owning up, they could be doing a world of good – informing others that options are available and that egg donation (not to mention gestational surrogacy) is a viable route worthy of exploring.

By Erika

Some women are afraid to donate their eggs more than once. Not me. Guidelines by the American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM) suggest a limit of six donation cycles. That’s how many times I’ve done it. I found the process very simple, and since my last donation in 2007, I haven’t yet experienced any side effects or physical trauma.

I’ve worked with Alternative Reproductive Resources (ARR) throughout. It follows the ASRM’s guidelines and won’t allow women to donate their eggs more than six times. I appreciate that limits are placed. You never know what kind of new information or research will surface in the years ahead. I believe that by putting a limit on donations, we are offsetting the risk of future medical complications.

A recent ABC News article on a woman who donated more than 12 times, suggested that she may have put her health at risk by doing so. I wonder if she was aware of the risks and the ASRM guidelines. I hope she doesn’t pay the price.

If you are considering donating your eggs, do your homework and know your medical history. Make sure you work with an agency that follows ASRM guidelines. ARR also has a code of ethics, which made me feel better about my decision to donate as often as I did.

By Mary Ellen McLaughlin

Maybe I’m alone, but I’ve never thought of gestational surrogacy as being particularly funny. Still, the folks in Hollywood seem to think so. This spring, both a sitcom on FOX and a movie starring Tina Fey have characters who use a surrogate to have a baby.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m delighted that gestational surrogacy is getting some national attention. I just hope that it doesn’t make surrogacy seem like a quick fix for infertility. Or worse, that anyone can be a surrogate. As this article in the Columbus Dispatch points out, surrogates are required to have been pregnant before. Another flaw is that both the movie and TV show are set in New York City. But surrogacy has been illegal in New York since 1993.

The surrogates aren’t exactly terrific candidates. On the TV show “The Return of Jezebel James,” the surrogate is the main character’s sister, an unemployed former drug user who has never been pregnant. “Baby Mama,” features a surrogate who is uneducated, immature and possibly mentally unbalanced (the previews show her peeing in the sink after she can’t figure out how to lift the baby-proofed toilet seat). She also loses her apartment and shows up at the intended mother’s door. That’s not how I want to see surrogates represented. The women we match are mothers with stable home lives.

Surrogates – we’d love to hear from you! How do you feel about the way gestational surrogates are being represented by these roles?

By Jennifer

When I blogged several weeks ago, I talked about the reasons I decided to donate my eggs. Now, I’d like to share more about the medical aspect of my donation experience.

ARR matched me within a few weeks of submitting my application. I soon met with my recipient couple’s doctor and took a fertility test and a genetic test. Then it was time to match up cycles with the recipient mother so that when my eggs were extracted, her uterus was ready to accept the created embryos.

This cycle began by suppressing my ovaries to get everything to a base level before starting the stimulation. In a sense, I went through a mini menopause because all of my estrogen was suppressed. This happened during midterms. I was studying with a friend and started getting hot and sweaty for no reason. It kept coming in waves. Luckily the suppression only lasted about a week and then I was on to stimulating.

I got started on the hormones, which I injected every night to stimulate the follicles. During the stimulation, I had appointments twice a week to monitor the hormone levels in my blood and check how big the follicles were. You can’t miss these appointments because they show whether you need more or less of the hormones depending on how your body is responding.

Once the follicles reach a certain size you take a “trigger” shot that starts ovulation. This is timed exactly so that the extraction procedure takes place four hours before you begin to ovulate, when the follicles are ready to release the eggs. The procedure itself is a minor surgery where all the mature follicles are drained with a needle. It lasts about 15 minutes, and isn’t really painful - you just have some cramping like a bad day during your period. I was fine by the next day, ready to go back to classes.

I hope that learning about my experience can help other women who are interested in donating to understand what comes after saying yes.

By Robin von Halle

There’s a reason to go with a reputable agency that specializes in matching egg donors and gestational surrogates to those who are unable to bear children through traditional means. Services go beyond vetting candidates to make sure they’re on the up and up and emotionally equipped for the job. We also bring in experts to guide intended parents and donors and surrogates through the complex legal and psychological issues.

The importance of this role has been brought home through news coverage in recent months of heartbreaking situations that have arisen when couples have followed a do-it-yourself path.

Back in October, the Today Show did a story on Tom and Gwyn Lamitina, a Florida couple who fought for but lost custody of their daughter who was born by a surrogate they had hired who decided to keep the baby. Since then, the couple has filed a civil case accusing the surrogate mother of fraud – saying she produced a “litany of lies and dreadful acts of deceit.”

Two months later FOX News told the story of a South Carolina woman accused of promising couples she would be their surrogate – who exploited at least six people out of $14,000.

An agency with a proven track record and references supporting it will help intended parents offset the risks that can be involved with this process. The good ones will provide psychological screening of surrogates, legal representation for all parties and a support system for all those involved.

Caveat emptor is, unfortunately, the operative phrase when people show no qualms to take advantage of couples who are desperate to create families, leaving them financially strung out and without a child.

Submitted by Teresa

As I write this entry, I am working with ARR on my third donation. When Mary Ellen contacted me to see if I would be willing to donate again to the parents who received my egg a couple years ago, I jumped at the chance to give their child a blood sibling. I’m so thrilled for them!

I first decided to donate when a friend needed a donor egg a few years ago. After giving it some thought, we both decided that it would be best for her to use an anonymous donor. I still wanted to donate, so I did some research and found Mary Ellen at ARR.

I donated twice before having a child of my own last year. Now as a parent, I understand the lengths people are willing to go to have children. I love knowing that I was able to help someone else have a family.

By Mary Ellen McLaughlin

You don’t have to be a leggy blonde with blue eyes, with an SAT score in the stratosphere and Ivy League credentials to qualify as an egg donor. In fact, most of the donors we work with are characterized by the size of their hearts and the aspiration to help a couple create a family.

Alternative Reproductive Resources recently did some mining of our egg donor data to see how the typical profile shaped up. Interestingly, there was no “typical.” Our donors - like the intended parents who come to us - come in all sizes, shapes and colors, and from many walks of life.

If there is a “typical” involved, it springs from what motivates young women to donate their eggs: The money is nice, but they overwhelmingly want to help people who are otherwise unable to create the families they have been longing for.

Here’s what we found:

• 98% of our donors are in their 20s.
• 46% are currently in college; 29% have completed it; and 12% hold advanced degrees.
• 66% are Caucasian; 17% are African-American; and 10% are Hispanic.
• 71% of our donors did it for altruistic reasons - to help a family in need; 13% donated for both altruistic and monetary reasons; 9% knew someone who had problems conceiving and wanted to help in some way; and only 3% donated strictly for the compensation involved.
• 78% are single.
• They have a variety of different religious and ethnic backgrounds.
• 100% of our donors have at least one sibling and come from a family unit.

By Robin von Halle

Are you a 5′9” or taller Caucasian female, who is between 18 and 30 years of age, very attractive, college educated and athletic with no genetic medical issues? If so, an ad in the Stanford University Daily promises to pay you $100,000 for an egg donation.

Frankly, I’d find such advertising amusing if it didn’t cross a dangerous ethical line - treating human life like a commodity. No wonder some people think we’re in the business of selling “designer genes.”

When agencies compensate egg donors based on SAT scores, athletic trophies and beauty pageants, it sends a negative message about fertility practices. That’s why we at ARR felt it was so important to adopt a code of ethics and to promote that code on behalf of our entire industry.

Our code of ethics calls for compensating egg donors and gestational surrogates solely for their time, effort and inconvenience, in keeping with the American Society of Reproductive Medicine (ASRM) guidelines. There are no premiums for blue eyes or Ivy League degrees.

We hope others in our industry will join us by embracing similar ethical standards. The world should know we’re in the business of helping build families, not auctioning off genetic matter to the highest bidder.

By Mary Ellen McLaughlin

If egg donors weren’t compensated, the whole business of assisted reproductive technology would be a shadow of where it is today. “No one would [donate eggs] for free,” one donor told a writer with MSNBC. “Maybe for your sister, but not for a stranger.”

That’s exactly what I’ve found in 15 years of working with egg donors for ARR. For many of our donors, altruism plays a critical role in their decision. Many have witnessed, first hand, the infertility of a friend or family member. But few would donate without compensation unless it was for someone she knew.

That doesn’t mean we condone the practice by some agencies of promising enormous amounts of money to egg donors.

Compensation to egg donors is intended to reflect the time and inconvenience the process entails. Our donors undergo a lengthy screening process, medical evaluations, hormone injections and an outpatient surgical procedure to retrieve the eggs. Compensation should not be intended or viewed as a bonus for good looks, brains and athletic prowess (and providing such genetics to the highest bidder), but to reflect a process that’s a lot more complicated and, often, uncomfortable, than people realize.

Without compensation, families would be far more limited in their options, as they are in Germany and Italy, where egg donation and surrogacy are illegal. When compensation is fair, both donors and recipients can benefit.

By Sara

After seven years of trying to have a baby on our own, my husband and I decided to use a surrogate. Today, she is a dear friend.

When I first met our surrogate (and her husband), it was as if we had known each other for years. They were open and friendly and within five minutes of meeting, we were laughing. It felt so comfortable, and we were in sync on so many issues concerning the surrogacy.

We spoke on the phone every day, sometimes for hours. She would call me with any kind of “baby news” and I attended all of the doctors’ appointments. She really brought me into the pregnancy. Our relationship grew to be so much more than just surrogate and intended parent.

One reason our relationship worked so well was because I let go and trusted her. When my husband and I first found out she was pregnant, she wanted to throw us a party. At the same time she was spotting, which an be normal. I was a nervous wreck, worried something was going to happen (seven miscarriages will do that). She assured me she was fine and would sit the whole time. I knew she would never do anything to jeopardize the pregnancy.

Today, we have two beautiful boys, and my relationship with our surrogate has not changed. We don’t talk every day, but we try to at least once a month. And when we do, it’s just like old times (we talk for hours). We also get together when we can.

This is one of the best experiences of my life. My husband and I got the family we longed for, along with new, lifelong friends.

By Robin von Halle

I wasn’t sure I was hearing the prospective client right, so I repeated what I thought I’d heard back to her: “You want us to find a surrogate to have your child, not because you can’t have one yourself, but because you’re too busy with your job to undertake a pregnancy yourself?”

Indeed, I was hearing her right and was no less astounded at the words coming out of my mouth as I was when they came from hers. This woman wanted a child created from a no muss, no fuss pregnancy. That meant someone else doing all the heavy lifting (and carrying).

It’s not the first such request we’ve gotten. We also recently turned down another woman who was looking at surrogacy as a happy alternative to losing her figure. And we recently read in People of former dance-pop star Taylor Dayne’s single parenthood through surrogacy (”Some women love being pregnant, but I didn’t need that.”).

When we turn such people down, they inevitably fail to appreciate our philosophy, which we underscore in our code of ethics. It isn’t the money issue, but that our donors and surrogates are a valuable - and valued - commodity. Our agency partners with them to help those who have no other viable options. Not to facilitate vanity pregnancies.

By Shaqeia

“What is my grandmother going to think?” That’s what went through my mind when I first decided to donate my eggs through ARR.

I was right - when she first found out, she was not happy with my decision.

She was stuck on the fact that I was going to have a child “out there” and “what would people think?” I had to sit her down and explain what egg donation was and why I was doing it. Once she learned more about it, she quickly changed her tune.

Egg donation is not something the African American community talks about. It seems to have this negative vibe, especially with the older generation. The problem is that most African Americans are just not educated enough on the topic. It’s not about having a child out there somewhere. It’s about helping people who otherwise cannot do so create a family. It’s about helping our community.

So if you’re thinking about donating your eggs, don’t just educate yourself. Educate those around you. Knowledge is power.

Submitted by Anonymous

Deciding to become an egg donor is a difficult choice. It isn’t for everyone. For awhile, I didn’t think it was right for me. At first, I had several concerns. What if I helped bring a child into the world and the parents neglected him or her? I was afraid I would be indirectly responsible for something I had no control over.

Mary Ellen at ARR helped calm my fears during my initial meeting. I’ll never forget what she said to me - that the children created through egg donation are very desired. The intended parents who come to ARR want to be parents more than anything.

And suddenly, it hit me that a woman or couple going through all of that trouble, time, expense, emotion and pain, were sacrificing so much in order to have a child. Of course they were going to be the best parents they could be. Their lives were essentially revolving around this process.

After that meeting, I was committed to beginning the process - meeting with the lawyer, psychologist, etc. I also asked to call a former donor and talk to her about her experiences. I felt really good about what I was about to do.

I had a really interesting meeting with a psychologist. He asked me some tough questions that I hadn’t thought to ask myself, such as, “If you have your own children some day, would you tell them?” And, “What if the laws change, and a child that was produced from your egg sought to meet you - would you want to meet them?” That was a really positive experience.

It also was easy to meet with the lawyers, where we discussed some of the “what ifs.” The lawyers help donors come to an agreement that protects them. We discussed every imaginable scenario, things I never would have thought of on my own. I think it is so important that the legal system is involved with egg donation.

I have donated with ARR twice and am finishing medical school in Chicago, before leaving for New York to complete my residency.

By Robin von Halle

Sorry, but I am tired of Alexis Stewart (yes, Martha’s daughter) and her wearying quest to have a baby. Anyone who has fought this battle - and we deal with many of you every day - has got to be a bit tired of her attitude. As recounted by People and bemoaned with Oprah, she considers it a “chore” to undergo the daily regimen of shots and treatments designed to reinvigorate her “crusty” eggs - at the princely sum of $28,000 a month (thanks Mom!). She also declines to go through in-vitro solutions (which would allow her to use donated eggs that haven’t acquired that same crust), wanting a child of her blood. Think about it: For the amount she’s spent in what’s so far been a fruitless effort, dozens of women less fortunate and without her financial resources could have established families.

By Robin von Halle

When most of us hear the phrase, “fertility vacation,” we think of a tropical destination where couples can get away from stress, relax for a week or two, and come home pregnant.

There’s been a lot of talk lately about another kind of fertility vacation, where intended parents travel to a more surrogacy- or egg donation-friendly state, or sometimes, to another country for in-vitro solutions to creating families. A CBC News article describes how a Canadian law prohibiting compensation for egg donors is driving couples across the border, taking their vacation time to work with agencies in the U.S.

In Canada, it’s not against the law for women to sell their eggs, only to buy them. That really limits a couple’s options: if in-vitro doesn’t work, and they can’t find a relative or friend to donate eggs without compensation, they are only left with adoption as a legal option.

Certainly, the U.S. isn’t perfect - several states don’t allow compensation for gestational surrogacy, including Indiana, Michigan and New York. Illinois, on the other hand, is especially surrogacy-friendly because, among other reasons, it allows intended parents to be on the baby’s birth certificate immediately following birth.

Until the overall environment becomes friendlier to egg donation and gestational surrogacy, a fertility vacation is an intriguing solution. Interestingly, we also are starting to get calls from couples from Australia and European countries with restrictive laws on both fronts who are looking to “vacation” in Chicago to get their fertility treatment underway.

By Jennifer

When I was 19, I found out at a family party that my parents used a sperm donation to conceive me. My father had been in a motorcycle accident when he was young, leaving him sterile. I was so shocked and upset that I didn’t speak to my mother for two weeks. I eventually made up with her and pushed this “bombshell” aside.

The subject came up again during my third year in college. One friend was working for a law firm specializing in adoption and fertility agreements, and hearing about families in need of donor eggs made me start thinking about donating. I also discovered that another friend’s sister was an egg donor. In a way, it felt like I was coming full circle - I could help a struggling couple have a child, like the sperm donor did for my parents years ago. (Read one family’s journey through egg donation and surrogacy at Glamour.com.)

I did a lot of research to find out everything I could about egg donation. I asked my friend who worked for the law firm to recommend the best agencies to work with in Chicago. From those I selected ARR.

My first donation cycle took about eight months. Once I cleared the psychological and medical tests, I was ready to be matched. (The process reminded me of waiting to be picked for the fourth grade kickball team!) ARR matched me within a few weeks and the actual procedure was not as painful as I thought.

This was such an amazing experience. At first my family didn’t understand why I wanted to be a donor, but I was very open with them throughout the entire process. The more we talked, the more supportive they became. Since my first donation I’ve become and advocate for egg donation, and have completed a second donation cycle.

I don’t know if a birth has come from my egg donation, but I like to think it did. I hope I was able to give the same gift that someone gave my parents - the gift of a family.

Jennifer, 26, is a choreographer living in New York. She is a graduate of the University of Chicago.