Category Archive

By Tina

A few years ago, four of my friends and one relative were all having trouble getting pregnant. I was having a conversation with my mother about it when she blurted out, “You should do something to help.” And she showed me an ad on egg donation in the Chicago Tribune.

I had once looked into egg donation, but the thought of having someone else raise “my” child wasn’t something I could mentally handle. Still, I wanted to do something. There was mom again. “What about being a surrogate?” she asked. She then proceeded to remind me how well my pregnancies went and said she thought I would be a good candidate. I did my research and after some thought, I knew I could mentally handle it. Plus it was a way of giving back to those I knew were struggling to create families.

I started working with Alternative Reproductive Resources in 2005. The process to become a surrogate was more complicated than I had expected. It was stressful, but in the end, worth it. This was a big decision I was making.

I was a surrogate twice. The first time, the embryo transfer didn’t take, which was not only hard for me, but for the couple I was trying to help. Due to health issues, the couple had to focus on other needs. Nevertheless, that experience made me stronger and more motivated to help another couple.

ARR introduced me to another couple. This experience was very different – not only was I working with new parents, but a different team of doctors. In May 2007, the embryos were transferred and took. I was pregnant with twins. The feeling was overwhelming.

Throughout the pregnancy, the intended parents, ARR and my family were very supportive and on January 18, 2008, I gave the couple two very precious gifts. If it weren’t for my mother, though, I never would have had such an amazing experience. Mother does, in fact, know best!

By Tina

Being a surrogate was one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. But it put me in the position of having to make some difficult decisions – like facing the possibility of becoming pregnant with multiples and facing the issue of selective reduction.

Last year, the Washington Post, in an article titled “Too Much to Carry,” explained why selective reduction is used and how high-risk multiple pregnancies can be difficult for some women. It also told what the couples went through in choosing selective reduction, a decision that does not come lightly.

I’m not getting into the abortion debate. That is not what this is about. It is about the surrogate knowing her medical risks when carrying multiples. Remember: This is not just about the parents-to-be, it’s also about the surrogate and her health, her family and the lives she is carrying.

In these types of in vitro situations, multiples easily occur. Surrogates need to know what their bodies can handle before agreeing to carry someone else’s child – or children.

I told my intended parents that I was willing to carry twins but would do selective reduction if triplets resulted from the egg transplantation. Before making this decision, I consulted with my doctor to understand my physical limitations and risks. I was told I was too small to carry three babies to term. It would be too risky for the babies and me. (If it were up to me, I would have carried multiples.) Luckily, I got pregnant with twins and did not have to face this decision (phew!).

Discussing selective reduction is not easy. It must be discussed carefully and candidly and specified legally (read: put it in a contract) before anyone enters into any surrogacy relationship. The couple I helped was very understanding of my choice to selectively reduce if the situation called for it.

I know that selective reduction is not for everyone. It wasn’t something I would have considered, but in my case, the medical risks were too great.

How do others feel about selective reduction? If you’ve been a surrogate or an intended parent, how did you handle this issue?

By Sara

After seven years of trying to have a baby on our own, my husband and I decided to use a surrogate. Today, she is a dear friend.

When I first met our surrogate (and her husband), it was as if we had known each other for years. They were open and friendly and within five minutes of meeting, we were laughing. It felt so comfortable, and we were in sync on so many issues concerning the surrogacy.

We spoke on the phone every day, sometimes for hours. She would call me with any kind of “baby news” and I attended all of the doctors’ appointments. She really brought me into the pregnancy. Our relationship grew to be so much more than just surrogate and intended parent.

One reason our relationship worked so well was because I let go and trusted her. When my husband and I first found out she was pregnant, she wanted to throw us a party. At the same time she was spotting, which an be normal. I was a nervous wreck, worried something was going to happen (seven miscarriages will do that). She assured me she was fine and would sit the whole time. I knew she would never do anything to jeopardize the pregnancy.

Today, we have two beautiful boys, and my relationship with our surrogate has not changed. We don’t talk every day, but we try to at least once a month. And when we do, it’s just like old times (we talk for hours). We also get together when we can.

This is one of the best experiences of my life. My husband and I got the family we longed for, along with new, lifelong friends.