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By Mary Ellen McLaughlin
One of the common questions we see on the discussion boards of the surrogacy communities we follow is typically posed by women who are considering becoming surrogates for the first time: “Do I do it myself or go through an agency?”
Responses from others who have taken this path before vary, but lean toward recommending registering with an agency for the first time. At the same time, many say they have been do-it-yourselfers for subsequent surrogacies, recommending that route only after learning the ropes via the first agency experience.
Of course, I represent an agency, so forgive my bias. But the fact is that not all agencies are alike. And neither are all surrogacy journeys. There are many complexities involved and details to be managed in being a surrogate. The medical aspects aside, issues range from the legalities (contracts, compensation, meeting state laws over surrogacy arrangements, for example) to the surrogate’s emotional readiness to day-to-day dealings with the intended parents.
Frankly, once our surrogates begin the process, they’re happy to have an agency in their corner. If you’re thinking about embarking on this journey yourself, here are four reasons to consider an agency, and key points to keep in mind as you’re talking to likely candidates.
- The agency is your advocate in this process, representing your interests in everything from finding the right intended parents for you, helping to navigate issues that arise during your journey, to ensuring that you have someone in your corner with your best interests at heart. If you’re talking to an agency, ask for specific examples of how this role has actually played out with the surrogates with whom they have worked.
- As part and parcel of this role, the best agencies will ensure that their staff is available to you 24/7, to hold your hand, answer your questions and anticipate your needs.
- The agency has experience in dealing with all the aspects of the surrogacy journey. It knows what to expect for all the facets and, thus, can anticipate and effectively manage any bumps that may occur on the road.
- The agency also has developed the resources necessary to meet the surrogate’s interests, from legal specialists in family law to insurance programs to meet supplemental healthcare needs.
Anyone who’s considering becoming a surrogate knows it’s not a decision to be taken lightly. Once you’ve talked to several agencies using these points as a guide, go back to those message boards and ask members of the community to share their experiences, pro and con, with the agencies in question. You’ll benefit by extra careful due diligence in the long run.
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By Robin von Halle
As many sad stories as happy ones about surrogacy abound on the Web.
One of the more recent heartbreakers told of a U.K. couple whose surrogate decided, halfway through the pregnancy, to keep the baby she was carrying. Then, the woman, an unmarried welfare mother of two, added insult to injury by suing for child support. As the biological mother (this was a traditional surrogacy), she won – taking away not only £4,500 (nearly $7,400) of the promised £16,000 ($26,300) payment to cover expenses, but another £568 (nearly $900) in monthly child support.
There are many reasons why our agency will not manage traditional surrogacies, and this illustrates some of them. While this case was set in the U.K., there are enough underlying lessons for intended parents to think twice about this path, no matter where they are located.
Traditional surrogacy, of course, is when the carrier’s own eggs are used, making her the biological mother of the child. With gestational surrogacy, either the intended mother’s eggs or those of a donor are used, making the surrogate truly a “carrier.”
Either way, surrogacy can be a complicated business, a tangle of emotional, psychological, and especially financial and legal issues. The latter category is critical to cover from both the surrogate’s and intended parents’ perspective, but is compounded because laws vary so widely across the U.S. regarding the legal parentage of a child born through surrogacy.
(Illinois provides the opportunity for intended parents to be recognized as a child’s legal parents in a gestational surrogacy through an administrative procedure so long as at least one of the parents is the genetic parent of that child.)
It comes down to risk, and traditional surrogacy poses too much of one for us to get involved, or recommend it to our intended parents.
Unfortunately, the financial issues may trump the legal considerations by the time they get to the stage of needing a surrogate. Often having spent upwards of $20,000 on fertility treatments per IVF cycle without donor eggs, intended parents are looking at another $40,000 to $80,000 for a surrogacy birth. Cutting out the costs associated with the egg donor and the IVF process can reduce the total by as much as 80%.
But is the risk worth it? Consider: With a traditional surrogacy, that child is the surrogate’s unless and until she decides to voluntarily relinquish her rights to the child through an adoption. All the legal agreements in the world will not counter the traditional surrogate’s right to retain the legal rights to her child should she choose not to sign over her parental rights. Intended Parents may eventually get custody of the child, but the surrogate will continue to be the legal mother.
Moreover, the legal fees that can run up if you challenge her decision will easily eat away at the “savings” you gained in going the traditional route. And, oh, yes, then there are 18 years of child support payments. The father in the U.K. case will end up paying close to $200,000 by the time the child reaches its majority.
We strive to help create happy outcomes for those looking to create families. Traditional surrogacy poses too many emotional and financial risks for us to recommend it.
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By Mary Ellen McLaughlin
We recently came across a thread in a Yahoo discussion group from a would-be gestational surrogate. She had completed an agency’s questionnaire to become a surrogate. And while she understood the rationale for the questions (many of which appeared on the surface to be quite intrusive), there was one that had her puzzled for its relevance: “What is your religion?”
That’s a pretty typical question for agencies to ask. It points to the depth that principled and discerning agencies will go to in vetting prospective surrogates.
The religion question can relate to any number of considerations – beliefs that may influence a decision on selective reduction, for example. And, let’s face it, for both Intended Parents and prospective surrogates, religion may be a sticking point whether it’s relevant to the task at hand or not.
Taking a deep dive into the prospective surrogate’s background, beliefs and support network is absolutely essential to ensure she’s emotionally up to it – and, equally important, is a responsible individual who surrounds herself with people who share her principles and behaviors.
The stories about con artists who hold the baby for ransom are the exception, but they’re the ones that people remember. Not surprisingly, they weren’t properly vetted. We’re not about to take that risk.
A typical surrogacy application form can run up to 20 pages. It’s the first screen; subsequent ones include interviews with the agency’s staff and, preferably, independent mental health professionals. It is not something to be completed in an hour, or even a day. Are the questions intrusive? Some are – of necessity. And prospective surrogates should expect no less given the very important role they’re applying to play.
It asks for the candidate’s and her husband/partner’s five-year employment history and educational backgrounds. It asks about family structure – how many children and their ages, and the support network. It asks whether the candidate or her partner have criminal records or substance abuse histories. It asks health questions including a medical and pregnancy history, ranging from how the applicant relieves stress, to whether she’s had an HIV test and the results, to birth control methods and delivery experiences.
And it asks questions to gauge the candidate’s emotional state. What are her hopes, wishes and expectations? Will she work with same-sex couples or unmarried couples? What are her strengths and values? How does she manage difficult times or experiences? Her partner is asked to share feelings about her taking on this role, and how the partner’s family would feel about it, as well. Descriptions of the couple’s children are solicited, along with how they will be prepared and involved in the process.
They’re also asked about issues that must necessarily be grappled with: How will you deal with relinquishing the baby to his or her parents? How do you feel about future contact with the child and his or her parents? How do you feel about carrying multiples, and the issue of a selective reduction if you’re carrying more than two fetuses?
This is only a sampling of the ground covered in the surrogacy application form. It is exhaustive, though we prefer to think of it as thorough. But that’s what it takes to make sure the surrogacy experience lives up to its promise for everyone involved.
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By Robin von Halle
We normally stay away from politics in this blog. Religion, too, for that matter.
But a very troubling movement has been stepping up the pace lately. Some legislators at the state and national level are proposing measures that would severely cut away at women’s reproductive rights.
Fertility. Infertility. They are opposite sides of one coin. And these proposals have implications for both of them.
Here’s how blogger Keiko Zoll, a self-described “infertility advocate” put it:
“…Infertility patients need to pay attention to healthcare legislation, particularly anti-abortion legislation. Anti-abortion legislation, in a cruel twist of fate, can pose a serious threat to our access to care. Here we are, trying our damndest to have our own children, and yet (I know how ironic this sounds) we need to be vigilant about others’ rights and access to terminate their own pregnancies.”
In Iowa, proposed legislation would define life as beginning at conception, effectively making abortion illegal there. What would that mean for infertility patients? It would mean that if all the eggs collected were fertilized during an IVF cycle, it would be illegal to dispose of any of them, even those not biologically suited to be transferred to the uterus.
In opposing the legislation, the American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM) and the Society for Assisted Reproductive Technology (SART) pointed out:
“In human reproduction…fewer than 20% of fertilized eggs implant in the uterus. Given the uncertainty…it is unreasonable and imbalanced to give constitutional rights to fertilized eggs or embryos. HF 153 would result in a requirement that all embryos be used for procreation purposes, or be kept in a frozen state forever. We question whether it is the intent…to grant those frozen embryos the right to vote upon reaching 18 years in frozen animation?”
Similar “Personhood” legislation is sweeping across North Dakota, Montana, Texas, and Oklahoma. Then, there’s Georgia, where a bill would require any miscarriage, whether in a hospital or elsewhere, to be reported and investigated. And, of course, there’s the de-funding of Planned Parenthood, a much-needed resource for overall women’s health services going far beyond abortion.
We’re a small business. We don’t have a political action committee. We just want to help people create families, finding and matching them with egg donors and gestational surrogates. But as part of the larger community, we all need to be aware of changes in the environment that might affect both sides of the reproduction coin. And be prepared to give voice to our concerns.
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What kind of guidelines are out there for gestational surrogates and intended parents? Does it vary state by state? These questions and more are answered by Mary Ellen McLaughlin, partner and surrogacy expert at ARR. Watch her explain surrogacy guidelines in the video blog below:
Conception Connections 